pray for the assasin

i read this book well actually i havnt finished it yet i cant do it i want to but something about it. the book is basked on the fact that muslims won over usa. so the country is really split and everyone is trying to convert or going to the bible belt or just staying moderate i dont know but the thing made me scream at the top of my lungs that there is no god. the book made it so silly and a matter of fact i guess its hard to explain but i said that and cried for hours it sucked. i believe in god but i quess it just got to me i dont really know what to say or think but all i wasnted to was say sorry to god. my mind keeps changing i know its just that im growing up but one minute im a complete believer ready to learn then the next im hiding away from him. it scares me