future

in two and a half years i will be going to college. i at least know that for sure. but i dont know what im going to learn what profession im going to go into. what major im going to have. i really dont even know what college im going to. it freaks me out. i have no idea what i want to go into or even where to start i have many things i love but which one do i want to do all my life. i dont want to sit in an office all day and hate waking up going to work every day i want to love what i do. and think of all that i only have two and a half years to at least sort of know what i want to do and i have no idea

life

im going to live about 75 years? to me sounds like a long time but really its nothing and in that 75 years what am i supposed to do? what is the point of my life? what will i contribute to the world? if i didnt exist would anyones life be changed? what if i die young short of the average lifespan will i have acomplished what god wanted me to do? and with the time i have will i make it worth while? when i die will i be happy with the life i have. i dont want to die the kind of person who has no one to care for them. tied in their work not really happy. im scared about what kind of person i will be and who s life i changed if any.

T

technology. i feel we are relying on it to much. soon we wont know how to communicate with others. we will talk to each other completely through technology. we already always text, spend hours on the computer, watch t.v half of the day, listen to music through little contraptions. i wish we could to back to everything. going to talk to people face to face, back to the normal dating, spend time with friends not just on a laptop.

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i have nothing to write about. i could write about books, movies, clothes, anything really but what does that say. i read other blogs and we all write the same thing other people have even written about what im writing about.... nothing. i have yet to have something important or crazy to talk about. everyday day after day we have the same routine. i guess i just want something out of the ordinary to come along and strike me in the back of my head good or bad just something. so hear you go a whole blog about nothing, completely full of nothing yet everything is in here. well in context anyway.

lions and tigers and bears oh my!

idols heroes icons. all remotely the same thing but used in many opposite ways. well one may be someone you look up to and another is maybe being well against god law. do heroes do more then create a beautiful picture in your mind that the world has hope or is it more personal? as in because i love and idolize superman what does that make me? Am i a better person because of the "Lessons" it teaches me or does it just make me a complete nerd for watching idiotic shows that branches my imagination. Id say both whats better? not robbing a bank because superman just caught a bad guy doing the same act or creating something incredible inside your mind letting it wonder then branching into new imaginative ideas? id say both but i wonder the creator of superheroes was thinking? hope imaginations "good" people?

the thought in many a mind

what is weight? well according to the handy dandy dictionary.com it means the amount or quantity of heaviness or mass; amount a thing weighs. well if you asked a random on the street they would say something along the lines of how fat someone is. many know being fat has consumed alot of peoples minds either driving them to diseases of just eating more? if you consider the amount we eat per day to other countries im highly guessing the difference is astronomical. is the whole weight problem really what people are eating or how much we are eating or it both. well it is obviously both i mean im sure one sontributes more but which one is it. is it the fact that you ordered a hambuger from mcdonalds or the fact that you got the meal supersized? ponder on that.

corporations vs. Zeus?

good vs. evil i always think i need to choose a side. as in if i do this one ridiculous thing what side would i end up on. when you sit on a couch and watch the wizard of oz who do you route for? usually i always voted for glinda the good witch because well i thought was the right side but watching it recently i have found myself to be on the wicked witch's team because well what is her story? what if the good has blind sighted us with beautiful and everything is not what they seem? so what is the good side? people can deceive people into what they think is right but behind the big red curtain something opposite is happening? so how do you know what side is the right side? is there a middle? say a big corportation is spending millions and is really doing nothing to help the country lets call the "evil" well this Zeus of a character comes along and says he can make them go away and give all the money to the childrens education lets call the god "good" well obviously everyone would vote upon good its our children for gods sake! well if zeus wins the vote well then everything the corportation did will go to powerful people and destroy the world!!!!! so really who is the better of the two??

questionable

what would life be without friends? or even enemies? would we grow completely bored out of our minds or would we find something insane to do to spend our time? Its a growing question in my mind? because if we didnt have friends, no one in the entire world, would the world be as far as we are today, technology wise? its weird that i even thought about this i know but if we all were socially mute what would happen? would everyone craul into a deep dark hole and carve things or would people use the silence to create bigger and better things like we are today

"pretty"

what is being pretty. im reading this book were anyone who hasnt had the "pretty" operation is ugly? we judge so much and we even judge ourselves but what is pretty. what is the common beautiful face. what is the perfect size for a nose and the perfect face shape and the right color eye. you think of you you think are pretty but have you ever asked others who they think are pretty. its pretty consistant but everyone thinks others are pretty who others dont. so what is it. what is being pretty. i think everyone is beautiful. you look at someone and everyone has that one special quality and makes them them. unique. and why is it so important. prettiness consumes so many peoples minds they judge others and themselves but all it is is a word thats all a silly opiniated word.

unhappiness

what is the point in life? why do we wear cloths, wear make up, go to school, love? what the point? if you go into your mind and think hard what the point in everything. we live we die. when in life you come across someone and all they do is care about work. why? why waste the how many years we have on a job. or waste the young good years in school. yes we want to get smart to get a good job so we can have money and live a happy life. but yet we only have so much time on earth and so many people spend it all tied up in their job. and its not only that because work makes some people happy is mostly to the people who are not. you go through life and die with a frown upon your face? whats the point? wasting the little amount we have on unhappiness.

a blank dream

Have you ever had an reacquiring dream? where you have the strong sense of deja vu but you still dont know whats going on? and every night you just wake up heart racing and whatever happened in the dream felt like real life? i was in a whitle room. nothing inside except a boy in the corner. i try and talk to him yet i get no respose and the only thing im thinking about is absolutly nothing. my mind is black i cant think.... i cant run... i dont even try to escape, or even know if i ned to im just there trying to talk to the boy. thats the dream. do dreams mean anything? and if they do what would this dream mean?

extraordinary

do you ever feel like you need to have something beyound normal to be special? maybe something along the lines of having a special power or a vampire or wizard? you read about all these people in stories who have extraordinary gifts and then when you come back to reality its just you. you dont have x-ray vision ....super strengh ....or can fly. its just you and all these stories makes you feel like your the one man out. even as if you dont deserve to have a good life. even if you just help someone across the sreet your a hero to someone which makes you special. like in the incredibles if everyone is special then no one is. i just wish that maybe to someone im one of the few who are special even if its just to one person. one person who thinks im good and whole and incredible and with my personality and kindness i have an extraordinary gift

love novels

I read. i read to fill the empty void in my heart. i always think its my age. im so young ....i dont need to worry about or need it at all yet the black hole is still there. so instead of worrying about it i read. i read about others in my situation and how they find it and the way the auther explains it fills it. not completly a good quarter. i always put myself in the story feeling how they are feeling. When the character falls in love i do at the same time. Its an amazing feeling at least till i come back to reality and realize i have special and powerful as love in my life. but i have hope that if it happens to others i will get my chance to. its all i need is a chance. to feel special to someone. Isnt that what everone wants? to feel special to know someone outside of family members love you? that that one person would do anything to keep you?

my dead dear friend

I had this dream. An old friend of mine and i were in the school. It was just us. Like we were the only two people in school. We decided to ditch our class and walk around. Then out of the blue a friend of his came out and stabbed him directly in the heart.. he died instantly. I didnt even get to say goodbye. I woke up crying and calling out his name. It felt so unbelievably real. I had to check his facebook to make sure he was alive. I think about that dream. It kills me. its what happened in real life. he is gone now and i didnt even get to say goodbye. who knows what kind of person he is? i have heard things. he has changed, gone. My friend. He is here, but he has a different look on his face, a different intake on life, worries about the wrong things. This has been the 5th night i have had this dream over and over watching him die. Just taken away from me.

Three

three people. That is how many people know me. In a world of 6,726,487,837 three of them know me. people say they are my friends, that they know who i am but how do you define "know". To me it means how my clock ticks. To know someone you need to know most of everything about them. How they think. that you dont have to act a certain way towards someone to accommodate their needs of a friend because you want to be that friend. How many people are funny? On the exterior we all are. well we all try to be. to make ourselfs feel comfortable with our surrondings. If you sat in a room with three people who know you how would you act? i always wonder. who am i and once i find out who is going to get the chance to meet me? will anyone? will i ever find that one. the one where you know you dont have to be funny or loud or hyper to get their attention? that they know and love just you. me.

paper

money. Is it crazy to think that a piece of paper runs our life. That if you dont have enough of it your screwed or if you have endless amounts you get to do whatever you want.Is it right that the government gets to take the paper you have. That you worked very hard on and then all of a sudden its gone. It was yours, you worked the hours. you earned that paper but yet its gone you cant use it, cant spend it its like you took a sick day. As our country gets deeper in debt whos going to have to pay for it? whats the plan? 11 trillion dollars. Its our paper, we worked for it. We even had to give some of it already are we going to have to give more to pay for our countrys mistakes. Will we have enough to give? All of us are already spending our paper on house bills car bills, things we need. we going to run our country into the ground because our government cant pay our debts, our mistakes. The next depression?

loyalty

Today i taught sunday school. In class i taught about loyalty and how ruth was loyal to naomi. As i was teaching what i thought about the story the metaphor really helped me. Now im really religious and i realized that i should work harder to follow christ because i dont think i work hard enough. Is it me or does every religious person in the world think they are not good enough to be saved by God or that they need to work harder because they are not working hard enough. I think my kids in class are teaching me more than i am teaching them. They think more literal and just say what they feel or think about God. No complication just love. One kid told me that God gave love. Thats all he said and thats really all he needed to say. I was looking for God gives forgiveness and that as long as we believe and are truly sorry he will forgive but instead he said God gives love. To me that is totally true i mean yes it does get more complicated than that but it doesnt have to be. You can think about it at every angle and from every story in the bible but thats it it all comes down to God loving us. I had this epiphany by just teaching my sunday school students.

self

I think im not pretty enough, smart enough, or skinny. I feel like i have to change myself to make me feel better about myself. Everyone does even if they dont notice. People think they have to be something higher then themselves. They have to prettier taller skinnier shorter or dress a certain way. That if we just had surgery on our nose the world would be perfect or if i starved ourselves for a week i would feel better about myself. I always wonder that yes i have alot of friends but do i know the real them? How they feel about themselves. Their real thoughts. I think on some level everyone doesnt think they are good enough. That whatever they do is not up to their personal standards let alone others around us. So when we are in puplic or around our friends are we the same person as to who we are around family or ourselves, or do we fool ourselves too. Humans in general are never satisfied. We crave to be better than others, to be the best.Our looks compete with others wheather they are trying or not.

science vs religion

Everyone has different beliefs. Some people believe in science. Others strongly on God. My one question is why cant the two be the same. Scientists believe in the big bang, Christians believe God created the universe. But why cant it be God created the big bang. Scientists are just so anti-christ and i never quite understood. Daily, science comes up with new miracles so is it really hard to believe that God created miracles too. People need to see whats real. They have to be shown to believe, there really is not any faith anymore.

The power of music

Today i found that song. you know the song that you cant get enough of. That it feels like it changed your life in one way or another or just the voice of the singer gives you such chills you feel like you have to jump into a steaming hot bath to regain control? The feeling is amazing its the feeling that life is going to be ok and maybe you can relate and it makes you feel like.... wow somewhere someone is going through the same thing i am. You feel comforted that your not alone. Well today i found that. I only really get that feeling every once in a while. I could tell you every song that has given me this feeling it makes me remember everything to what went on in that particular day to what i ate for breakfast. I always wonder if i had not heard that song would i be the same person that i am today? could a single song change my life forever? i hope this feeling never goes away, that even when im older and wiser that someone somewhere wrote a song that will change my life or even my point of view. Songs like these make my day and hope the artists who create magic know that today they changed a life for the better